LIAM THIS CAN'T HAPPEN (blackwayfarers) wrote,

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Don't be such a homophobe. There's nothing gay about a gay wedding.

hello the internet I have missed you!!

HAHA ok six months after I last posted or something horrible like that, here I am, hat in hand, to beg you for forgiveness if any of you even remember who I am spoilers: I'm the worst. BUT HERE I AM ready to move on to a new chapter in my slow decline to misery and self-destruction because of feelings and shame and teenagers and no one at all is surprised about the direction (hint) my life has gone in can you guess what it is can you guess why my life has gone horribly wrong can you?

Turns out I don't post that much when I don't have a fandom I feel super passionate about, which is a pretty good indication of why I'm posting now because suddenly One Direction. BECAUSE SUDDENLY ONE DIRECTION.

I mean, in a stunning turn of events surprising exactly no one (fucking Jonas Brothers, I swear to God) I am mad obsessed with those horrible monsters and their fucking faces and their love and joy and how much that makes me want to roll around on broken glass. And like everything that ruins my life, I hated them and never wanted to think about them and slowly I was like ok they're fine and then I was like haha ok that's kind of cute but whatever and then I was like okay no but why do they act like that together and then I was like WHY AM I CRYING ABOUT HARRY STYLES READING HATE ON HIS TWITTER and it was all over we're having a funeral and you're all invited ok. And like everything horrible in my life, likecharity is a monster and wrote beautiful fic and sent me horrible e-mails about how Louis Tomlinson is a beautiful drunken mess and how Harry Styles is a sex-positive angel-haired teenager and how Liam Payne has one working kidney and a voice like God's orgasm and a heart made of brown sugar and gold and I hate them so much it -- flames, flames on the side my face and why is no one helping me doesn't anyone understand how much I hate this band I don't want this to happen and it keeps happening.

I went through several changes of heart but in a move that once again probably surprises no one, Liam Payne is my favourite and my face is covered in scars because I keep clawing at my cheeks because he exists and has that face and those lips and that voice and he's everyone's best bro and he has a beautiful wonderful girlfriend and honey look you're wonderful fly so fly and I AM FREAKING OUT B/C HE TREATS EVERY DAY LIKE A GIFT AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON!!! but I won't be because my second favourite is Louis Tomlinson who treats EVERY DAY LIKE A PRACTICAL JOKE AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND AND POUR WATER IN HIS CROTCH!!! So obvs I am shipping Harry/Louis because I have two eyes, two ears, and a heart duh, but I'm also mad in love with any variation of Harry/Liam/Louis and especially the three of them being each others' boyfriends 4 life especially especially when it involves Harry and Louis trying to break/corrupt/ruin/seduce/jerkoff/marry Liam Payne because every time Louis talks about how they're turning Liam into a naughty little boy I want to check myself into the hospital for accute heart failure + leaking brains. I'm also a fan of: Louis/Liam which I think secretly in the dark nights of the soul is my actual OTP, and Harry/Liam which I angrily e-mail likecharity about because HARRY PUNCHING LIAM = HARRY WANTING TO KISS LIAM quod erat demonstrandum. Things that I love because obviously: OT5. DING DONG NO KIDDING THEY'RE ALL IN LOVE. So that's happening.

And the best thing is that I go away from lj for like half a year and EVERYONE IS INTO ONE DIRECTION TOO? AT THE SAME TIME? I said it on twitter but it's like, after 2011 and the Jonas diaspora, we're all getting the old band back together. Old friends reuinted by new teenagers! RESULT.

I feel like I've lost control of this lj post just like how I've lost control of normal human feelings and behaviour and any semblance of being a functioning adult so at least everything is on the same level now. So, that's the haps ladies and gentlebros, and I am going to be posting here more often because duh what else am I supposed to do, NOT scream about Harry singing "I can love you more than Stan"? NOT eat a whole pizza because they all share clothes? NOT hold a bank hostage because of Liam's smile?????

ALSO I DON'T THINK I EVER MENTIONED IT HERE BUT I'VE GOT A TUMBLR THAT I POST TO FAIRLY OFTEN spoilers it's mostly about One Direction because what makes you beautiful haha dot mp3 etc. MY TUMBLR OK leave a comment with what ur tumblr is follow 4 follow ok and we'll watch reruns of Golden Girls and get Thai food it will be great.

Tags: boyfriends, butts, help, no direction, no payne no gain
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